When i look at all 3 of my children i know that each of them are gifts that we have been given. when our kids are all grown & out in the big world living their own lives & finding their own paths, i will look at them & smile & feel so proud that i helped these amazing people become who they are. some girls know from an early age that they want to be a mother, i never had those feelings & honestly before i had jarred i was worried that i wouldn’t have the “mommy gene” in me. i have it. i found it the instant that jarred became real & i had this beautiful little being staring up at me & needing me for his everything. i became a mommy in that instant. now i look at myself & my life & i have to laugh a little, my whole world revolves around my 3 kids & what they need or want & i wouldn’t change that for anything. when jarred was a baby i would just watch him, sit & stare at him & i couldn’t believe how beautiful he was & how lucky we were to have such a healthy, perfect baby boy. ( i know that jarred’s father David would be so proud of his son if he were here to watch him grow & mature into the man he is becoming). i remember the feeling of loving jarred so much that my heart would skip a beat & now i have that same feeling with sophia… i have raised mikayla since she was 5 years old & when i look at her i see my daughter, she may not have come from my body but my heart feels the same for her, i know that we are connected & she is my child. when she is grown & out in the world i will look at her & know that i raised her, i will feel that same proud ache in my heart for her because i will be in awe of the beautiful woman she became & that i helped her do it… she is my daughter & my heart knows that.
i was watching the kids outside playing baseball with their cousins today & sophia was crawling in the grass beside me, i felt so lucky to be in that moment, to be their mother & to be living this life… that is what got me thinking about when jarred & mikayla were younger & watching them grow & loving them so much & now doing the same with sophia.
watching all of the kids makes me miss my brother tony so much. sometimes it makes the missing him unbearable & even more painful. he loved his kids so much.
i always thought that jarred would be my only child… forever. now i could never, ever imagine my life without mikayla & sophia. it is funny how things change & how i have changed & my life has changed & evolved. i see that because i fell in love with shane & became his wife my life has become so much richer & complete. i see that my life has evolved into something i never knew i wanted & i know that i am living the life i was meant to live… it’s a good feeling!!
sophia loves to play with the big kids!! she adores her big brother & sister & watches them so intently, she isn’t even a year old yet but i know that sophia wants to do the things the big kids do.
i love this picture of sophia so much… sometimes she can be soooo serious, it really makes me wonder & wish i knew what she thinks about.
today was a good day.