a very long saturday…

last saturday, May 19th. was such a long day…

our day started about 6:30 a.m. when sophia woke up. we usually go down to the living room right after she wakes up & she likes to play for about 30 minutes before she has her morning bottle, which is now real cow’s milk, she get’s no formula anymore. but this morning i wanted to clean up the kitchen a bit so she got to do one of her favorite things… rummage thru the recycling bags…

jarred & mikayla got home from being with rocky & their cousins, (rock took them to embassy suites for the nite so they could swim & hang out, they loved that!!)

they got home about 10:30 a.m. & shane & i had to leave right away to go to Tony’s service to place his ashes in the ground.  jarred, mikayla, kayla & collin all stayed at our house.  mikayla & kayla were watching sophia, mikayla was in charge, but jarred was supposed to check on them every once in a while, which he always does.

the memorial for Tony was at the cemetary where his ashes are now at. it is beautiful, very peaceful, calming & even relaxing. this may sound strange to use these words to describe a cemetary, but it is different, it feels comftorable there, it is so very pretty… it is perfect for Tony.

it was Tony’s family, the people that unconditionally loved him & knew him the best… mom & arthur, dad & mary-anne, rocky & michelle, kera, aunt karen, my “other brother” brian & shane & i.

it was hard. so much harder than i even imagined.

it has been almost one year since he has been gone & the wound is still so fresh, sometimes it still doesn’t seem real. sometimes i wake up in the morning & just for a second i think maybe it has all been a nightmare.

we all leaned on each-other & we got thru it. it was so hard to do but i am so thankful that we did it. i am so thankful that we now have a place to go where tony is.

going thru the incredible emotions of the morning i was completely exhausted the rest of the day…

when we left the cemetary i took shane to work, rushed home & got sophia ready & all of her “gear” packed up for the rest of the day. then, mikayla, kayla, sophia & i went to alex’s soccer game. i was so tired but i am SO VERY happy that we still went to her game!! she did so great & they won… her team went on the next day to come in second in the whole tournament!! great job alex!!

seeing alex & being with my mom & kera & mike & mikayla & kayla & our happy little girl sophia was the best thing for me to do… they all make me smile & feel loved & safe…

how can you not smile when you see these two…

sophia was so happy, kayla let her play with her phone…

my sweet girl… on the days & moments that are so hard to keep going, all i need is to see your face & kiss your sweet cheeks & see you smile…

after the soccer game we took grammy home & stayed at her house for a bit, we had to pick shane up from work in a couple hours anyway. we talked, relaxed & decompressed a bit from the day. sophia is my sunshine but my mother gives me true strength. even when we are both having difficult moments, all i need is to talk to her & i feel stronger, i can keep going.

sophia got to use her new, awesome chair…

we left grammy’s with about an hour and a half still to wait before shane was off work so we went to the mall early & mikayla got to use her gift cards at AEROPOSTLE that she got from her friends for her birthday. i got sophia a few books & this cute, cute chair at “the afternoon”.

this picture is sunday morning, soon after she woke up, sitting in her awesome “bug chair”.  i love sophia’s sleepy face when she first wakes up & we get out of bed with her, she is so happy & smiley…

we didn’t get home until  7:30 or 7:45 p.m..& all of us girls were truly exhausted. sophia had a late dinner & a quick bath & she went right to bed. i don’t even remember what i made for dinner for everyone, i know i made something real quick though. kayla & mikayla ate dinner & laid down right away to watch a movie, they were asleep in no time. shane, jarred & collin went to “beyond golf” though. they have so much fun going to hit golf balls & just hang out. i love that shane & jarred have that time together!!

this was such a long day…    i see it as a good day though…

( i wanted to “write” down everything we did this day & how i felt throughout all of it because it was such an important day to me)

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