family…

it has been a busy few weeks for us. mikayla turned 14 & got confirmed & we celebrated with family & friends, our sweet little Sophia turned 2 & we had such a fun, amazing party for her on Saturday & then sunday was mother’s day.

mother’s day was special. it seems like someone or all of us have had somewhere to be, something to do or just busy for busy’s sake a lot lately. jarred is usually at work or with his friends so to have him home with us for the afternoon, before he had to go to work, was so great. it really could have been any sunday, not just mother’s day & it would have felt just as special to me to grill out & hang out in the back-yard & laugh… the 5 of us.

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our son is 16, he will be 17 years old in 2 months & a senior in high school this august. when I look at jarred in these pictures I am in awe of him. he is so very handsome, he looks like his dad so much in these pictures. he is maneuvering his way through this crazy world & he is figuring out who HE is. he works hard, he loves his family, he has an old soul inside of him, he is strong, yes physically, but he is strongly planted, strongly himself & when I see him I just see strength. he & I butt heads, it is hard for me to know just how tight to hang on & when to loosen up my grip. I know that his friends are so very important to him, as they should be. I know that sometimes he feels confused & frustrated by life & sometimes he comes to me with them, sometimes he doesn’t, I just try to keep my communication open with him so that I can try to help him when he feels this way. I went to his school last week & when I walked in it was lunch & the kids were everywhere & suddenly it hit me, I got this wave of clarity & remembered just how confusing & frustrating life can be at that age. when he walked up to me I gave him a hug forgetting that we were surrounded by his peers, he hugged me back. my relationship is not perfect with my teenage son but I know that he knows I love him, I am here for him, I am rooting for him & I know he loves me back & sometimes that is all that matters.

our daughter is 14 & she will be a freshman in high school in august. mikayla is sweetness & she is crazy & silly & fun. she also get’s her feelings hurt so very easily. her heart is huge, she is compassionate & she worries (a lot) about keeping everyone around her happy. this is a tough one for a mother, these qualities are courageous & beautiful & then at the same time trying to let her know that doing what is right for herself & what feels right in her heart is also a very important… it is a balance & I know that finding that balance is a life long journey. when I went to the taylor swift concert with mikayla something changed, there was a shift in our relationship & it was a shift inside of me. I have never told her, I wouldn’t know how but that night I began to see her differently. laughing & dancing with her & watching her sparkle I remembered what it was like to be a teenage girl, to have a huge world staring you in the face & how exciting & terrifying that can be all at the same time. having expectations from everywhere & wanting so badly to live up to them all but also just wanting to be herself. she is growing & maturing into an amazing person & that is so exciting to watch. as our relationship grows & changes I feel us only getting closer. I have found myself thinking lately that i used to be fun, i used to be easy-going & a blast to be around. i know that as you get older as responsibility grows & you get a little bruised & battered by life it is natural for some of that “spark” & care-free attitude to just go away… i find myself enjoying this in mikayla more & more & realizing that i still have that inside of myself & that i can get that “fun side” of myself back. thank you mikayla for reminding me just how important it is to laugh & be silly & just ENJOY.

and then our little Sophia. Sophia just turned 2 & she is my sunshine, my sweet pea, my go go go girl, my happiness & she has changed our family in the most amazing ways. as i am writing this Sophia, you just came out of my bedroom with a neck full of my necklaces & daddy’s check book & a pen & you are writing out a check!!! enough said little girl. you are amazing.

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