to my kids…
I know that every day can not be perfect. every moment cant be full of laughter. every decision we make as parents cant be understood.
I understand that I make mistakes. many of them.
but, I also understand that these moments happen, they are just part of being a family & growing up. we are a close family, we share our feelings, good & bad & I wouldn’t want it any other way.
we had a few particularly hard days in January & I think it is all a part of our growing process, for all of us.
every day can not be easy & I don’t think we would grow too much if that were the case anyway.
I am thankful for our open hearts so that we can make it thru those tough days & make it better the next.
it can be hard to have a 17 year old almost man, a teenage girl & a toddler all under one roof. sometimes I feel pulled in a million different directions. sometimes I am simply overwhelmed with seeing all of the crap my older kids have to go thru just to grow up, sometimes it is hard for me to know if I am steering you in the right direction, if my guidance is helping, if it has helped all along. it is overwhelming to see these adults emerging from my children & I want so badly for you to be equipped when you leave this house on your own life journeys.
i know that every day can not be easy & i guess i just hope that you three understand that my rules, my actions, all of it is because i believe so deeply in all of you.
that being said, it is hard, as a mother, to let go but it is also exhilarating & special & amazing to watch you grow.
lately i have been thinking a lot about how lucky i am to have these 3 beautiful children all at such different places & ages in their lives.
it keeps me grounded.
to have these people all going thru different things in their lives, all 3 of them growing up every day, all 3 of them maturing into their next phases in life… it keeps me going.
not every day can be like these where we dance & laugh & joke & play but that just isn’t realistic.
i expect disagreements, i expect hard days, i expect you to not be happy with me all the time & i am ok with that. i will worry about being your friends when you are grown.
i guess what i am trying to say is that the disagreements are hard on me to. but, you will see when you are grown & have a family that it really isn’t about the instant gratification anymore. it is now about raising whole people.
my heart beats for you three.
never forget that.