it is pure grief. sadness. longing. wishes. prayers. thankfulness. memories. I try to not let myself go to where that deep, pure sadness sits. I know it is there & sometimes I wish I could sit in that deep pain just so I could feel closer to him. but I can’t. it is too dark. but the thought of someone I love being in that place all alone is also too much.

sometimes I wish I could go to where he is, to calm the storm. but I know I cant.

I believe that there is peace.

for all of us left here with all the hurt.

for our tony.

we have the memories & the laughter & his smile & his humor & his heart & his spirit & we have his smile & his spirit & his laughter in his children.

we have that to hold onto, tight.

forever we have that.