new year…

new year. new day. new beginnings. time just keeps moving…

I have chosen ’embrace’ to be my one little word for 2015.

I have been thinking about what my new word would be for the past few weeks & I just kept coming back to the fact that life doesn’t always look like the way we thought it would. sometimes life can be messy & sometimes things are all wrapped up neatly for you, I find that most of the times, it is messy. not like literally a mess. just, the chaos of everyday life, the unsure feeling about the future & even some things in the past that I am still trying to figure out. some things will never be figured out. that is the feeling of ‘messy’ to me. that chaos, is probably more how I perceive things that I can not control. to others, that same moment may seem completely calm to them. anyway, I kept coming back to the word ‘messy’ I kept telling myself “I need to embrace the messy side to life” but something was missing.

this morning I realized my word was supposed to be embrace. not only do I need to embrace the messy, loud, unsure, chaotic, scary parts of life. I also need to embrace the quiet, peaceful, thought out, divine parts of life.

I need to embrace both sides. I need to smush them together to make it all make sense.

I need to enjoy this time of life that we are in right now, with all of it’s messes & all of it’s happiness because these days are only these days for today.

I need to embrace the changing landscape of our family. & myself. & my children. & my marriage. & my faith. & my everything.

embrace today.

I don’t want to wake up tomorrow & wish I could have today back. I want to squeeze today for all its juice. drink it up. wake up tomorrow & do the same.

in honor of embracing, Mikayla & I embraced the slick floors at target today & slid down every aisle we could, setting up the camera along the way of course. I love her. I love that we can laugh together. I love that I am learning more about who she is. who she wants to be. how she sees the world. I love being the mom of a teenage daughter, there is something so very special about that relationship…

last night was our annual new years eve crab feast. it was our first year where jarred wasn’t here. we had a great time, we laughed & ate too much but of course for me, it wasn’t the same. I missed him. I missed the stupid crab jokes he & shane tell every year, I missed how every year they both talk to their crab before they eat it. (hilarious stuff!!)

but, I have to embrace this change in our family.