fare the well…

never has there been a more perfect “ending” to something so beautiful…

final song. final show. after 50 years together. they chose “attics of my life” to end it all.

of course they did. perfection…

Attics of my life lyrics…

In the attics of my life, full of cloudy dreams unreal.

Full of tastes no tongue can know, and lights no eyes can see.

When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.

I have spent my life seeking all that’s still unsung.

Bent my ear to hear the tune, and closed my eyes to see.

When there was no strings to play, you played to me.

In the book of love’s own dream, where all the print is blood.

Where all the pages are my days, and all the lights grow old.

When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me.

In the secret space of dreams, where I dreaming lay amazed.

When the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold.

When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me.


I stopped trying to explain what this music & this time in my life means to me a long time ago. people look at you like you are crazy.

I remember climbing out my window at night when I was 14 & I would just sit there, on the roof of our house, with my headphones on listening to the grateful dead. I fell in love with the music, I fell in love with the words they sang, I fell in love with the life. I knew I would be there someday. and I was. for many many many many shows. it is not a concert, it is a way of life. a way of life that maybe I don’t fully live anymore but a way of life that will always influence who I am & how I look at the world & how I want to live in this world.

dropping everything & following around this band, any band is a little extreme. I could never do that again but, my heart will always be full with the memories, the music, the life, the friends, the crazy shit we did.

i am a little heart broken that i didn’t make it to Chicago with jarred. like, i have felt down all week. the end of an era. a good bye to a life. a good bye to something so huge & sacred & beautiful & needed in this world today. I am however, satisfied that I just got to watch it live on tv, all three nights. I am thankful for that…

like the last words they spoke at that last show…. “just be kind”

words to live bye…

i was at the last show Jerry Garcia played in Chicago before his death one month later. It feels strange to look back on all of the shows we were at, all across the country. up, down, sideways, back & forth.  it feels so good to feel like you were a part of something bigger in the world, even when most people don’t understand why you would want to do something like that. it was worth it. i wouldn’t change it for the world. to have so many amazing people all loving the same band, the same ideals, the same vision. that is amazing to be a part of. I feel lucky to have been a part of it at all.

the last song Jerry sang, looking back, he knew. this song is a good bye song. we didn’t know it at the time but true to form, jerry is magic. it is sad to watch in hindsight because now we know it was his good bye but i want to post it here. i remember that night like it were yesterday. it was a great night. we were all together & even then we knew this was special. so so special…

black muddy river lyrics…

When the last rose of summer pricks my finger & the hot sun chills me to the bone,

when i cant hear the song of the singer & i cant tell my pillow from a stone,

i will walk alone by the black muddy river

& sing me a song of my own.

When the last bolt of sunshine hits the mountain & the stars start to splatter in the sky,

when the moon hits the southwest horizon,

with the scream of an eagle on the fly,

i will walk alone by the black muddy river & listen to the ripples as they moan,

i will walk alone by the black muddy river

and sing me a song of my own.

Black muddy river roll on forever, I don’t care how deep or wide, if you’ve got another side,

roll muddy river, black muddy river, roll

when it seems like the night will last forever & there’s nothing left to do but count the years,

when the strings of my heart begin to sever

& stones fall from my eyes instead of tears

I will walk alone by the black muddy river

& dream me a dream of my own

I will walk alone by the black muddy river

& sing me a song of my own


it just doesn’t get any sweeter than that.

i will say one more thing. that final show july 5th. 2015, they sang to us. they played to us. it was a 3 hour good bye letter. a 3 hour love note. a 3 hour pep talk. a 3 hour keep believing in eachother anthem.

yep, some people may laugh when i say that but it is real. it is truth.

i will always believe in the power of people coming together thru music because i have seen it. i have lived it. and it is something i will never, never forget. something i will always treasure & something i will try to pass onto my kids as it becomes more rare… good hearted, like minded, crazy, peaceful, tree hugging, dirty hippies can make a difference in the world.

and don’t forget it!!!


2 Comments on “fare the well…

  1. Black Muddy River
    Heartbreaking sad sweet gentle lovely lonely acceptance memories
    Loved reading what you were thinking when you were 14….
    Something’s are just a way of life
    No way to explain and no need to explain
    Just know

  2. Attics of my life lyrics…
    I don’t know how the melody goes but I can hear it in my mind and soul.
    What memories to treasure and pass on your love of Grateful Dead and Jerry.
    We may not understand your passion and love of them like you do but we love and know them because of you.
    The world needs more poetry, music, tree huggers, dancers, gardners, travelers, seekers, lovers of peace and kindness, hippies, what a different world this would be. You haven’t stopped following Jerry, your still on the journey.

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