California, 2015…

this trip is so much more than a vacation.

this trip was an unlocking.

of emotions, history, friendship, love, memories & so much more.

this trip would not have been possible without Cat. without her sending me a message & saying “is this the year we are going to celebrate our Libra birthdays together??” & my immediate response was, YES.

this trip meant so much to me. I didn’t realize how much it meant to me until we got there. until we felt the breeze from the ocean. smelt the redwoods. until we drove past Jarred’s elementary school. until we drove the road to Bolinas & smelt the eucalyptus trees. driving shane down my old street, past the old house & to the end of the street where the ocean sits. until we pulled up to Cat & Scott’s beautiful cabin in the trees & she came walking up the steps. all of the years washed away. all of the memories & emotions came flooding in. until I hugged her & cried. it was a release.

I am so thankful for it all.

sunrise swimming with the most amazing, beautiful women. I felt alive. I cried. I cried so much this trip, poor shane. ha. I cried at the ocean, I cried on the mountain, I cried in the bay, I cried.

and it felt good.

we released tony’s ashes into the ocean. I cried. I prayed & I cried.

one thing I didn’t realize I was going to get out of this trip is feeling closer to my husband. my partner in life. and to see him embrace this part of my life that I have locked away in my memory for so long, that meant the world to me.

shane talking to cat & telling her that he feels like he understands his wife better now.

that. was. everything.

and I feel like it made me understand him better too.

I am lucky.

two days. loved every second of it. spending time with cat & scott & meeting kirstin & Olivia, that last night meant the world to me.

thank you. thank you. thank you.

 

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