digging deep…

do you ever get that feeling that you are in a rut?  like, day by day you are going thru the motions but never truly digging in to it.  anything.

life. hurt. laughter. memories. yourself. your love. your children. your passion. your dreams. your desires.

like life is there. it is waiting. it is staring you in the face & your not sure what you need to do to embrace it any more than you already have. like, you know there is something more, hiding, just beneath the surface & you know, that is where the good stuff is.

I’m not talking about perfection. like if we just keep digging we will get to that perfect gem underneath it all.

I mean, if we just keep digging, we will unearth the real, the sometimes ugly, the sometimes painful, the real life we were meant for. like, once we cut thru all the bull shit of how we portray ourselves to other people, we can get down to the true heart of it. what makes our spirit soar. what makes our heart pound. what makes us scared more than anything. what makes us. us.

in my mind I hear myself saying “dig deep” “dig deeper”

there is always something more to see. to do. to learn. to hear.

sometimes it is hard. sometimes it is just so comfortable sitting on the surface of things, why dig deeper?

because, that is where the good stuff is.

I know I am rambling but truly, I feel this pull inside of me to dig deeper into my life. my relationships. my dreams. & I don’t know where to begin so I thought maybe if I just wrote it out here, that would be my beginning.

I feel a pull to create these things I feel inside of me. I feel like my whole life I have told myself that I don’t know how. what a horrible thing to tell yourself. my inner dialogue has always been a little like that. like, yes, you go girl, you got this but wait, don’t put yourself out there too far, you could fail miserably & everyone will see you fail.

i guess you just get to the point where the failure doesn’t matter anymore. the trying is what matters.

i want to figure out how to capture emotion. true emotion. that is my pull. i feel like if i can capture truth with my camera, then i am digging deep enough to see the truth.

beyond that, i just want to know that every minute, i am watching. i am seeing it all unfold because once it is gone, it is gone & when i get to the end i just want to possibly know that i watched & i listened & i participated & i dug deep.



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