broken dishwaher…


it has been a very busy couple of weeks & the next few weeks until June are only going to get busier & fuller. We just celebrated Easter on the most beautiful day, my grandma turned 93 & we all got to be together to celebrate, Mikayla just turned 18, Sophia will soon turn 6, Mikayla will graduate high school, Jarred will turn 21, Sophia has a dance recital & my photo schedule is beginning to take shape for the summer!!! all exciting things.

but right now I just want to slow down.

yesterday I realized our dishwasher has been leaking under our kitchen sink. we are actually lucky we caught it, it looks like the floor was going to cave in if it was left with that puddle of water any longer.

my first thought, “well great. I don’t have time for this. I don’t have the money for this. why me??????”  shaking my fist to the heavens. ok, not quite that dramatic, but close.

just one more thing to deal with.

but, we went on with our day, we had an awesome little, fun birthday party for Mikayla. pizza & cake & gifts & just a few of her friends & the fire pit & tent in the back yard. all night I just kept loading that dishwasher with dishes, knowing I wouldn’t be able to use it but just not quite ready to dive into washing the dishes by hand.

then today, I realized I couldn’t hide from those dishes any longer.

the window was open, Sophia was running in & out of the house taking everything she owns out back into the tent.

I set up one bowl with soapy water, one with rinse water & set out to wash the dishes.

I know, it seems like such a ridiculous thing to write a blog post about. but, this struck me as soon as I started.

instead of throwing the dishes into the dishwasher & moving onto the next thing. I stood at that sink & watched my drapes blow in the wind. my music was playing low & the window was open & Sophia was laughing & the sun was peeking thru the drapes so perfectly.

I stood & washed & rinsed & thought.

I thought about my husband & the fact that after Mikayla & her friends left to go to a late movie & after we had pried Sophia away from the fire pit & gotten her in a bath & put to sleep, instead of going straight to bed, we talked. like, just talked, not about the kids really, about ourselves. our lives. the future, the past, the day.

I realized that we don’t do that enough. we live our days together & we love eachother but sometimes it can be so easy to just turn on auto pilot & go.

I stood at that sink today & realized that this life, our lives together are too special to be lived on auto pilot. i thought about what is important to me & it isn’t being busy, it is being. just being. with myself, with the moment, with my family. just being.

i stood at that sink & felt so lucky.

i felt at peace.

the calendar is full but i cant let that run my days. i cant let being busy take away from the life that i really want. the life where the little things mean something. the life where i can look at someone that i have loved for 13 years & realize that just like me, they are constantly changing too. we are together a work in progress & that is an amazing thing.

i am sorry that it took my dishwasher breaking to take the time to remind myself what really matters to me.

it sure isn’t having a dishwasher that matters to me.

it is this life that we have built together.

& always will be.




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