the beggining of 2017…

 

beginnings….

so, this year I have committed to trying to take a photo a day. a 365 day project. ok, so technically I decided on January 4th. to do this project so I guess it is a 361 day project but close enough. ha. but seriously, I am looking forward to making this project happen, even on the days where I am uninspired or tired, my plan is to follow thru with one photo of our everyday. I’m excited!

January 1-5, 2017

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beginning the year with cold, cold weather so we are looking for all sorts of stuff to keep ourselves busy.

I am finally feeling more like myself after having surgery three weeks ago so it feels good to be able to do more of these little things with miss Sophia again. just trying to balance letting myself heal & getting back into doing more of my favorite things with my girlie, these things…

yogurt, ipad, coloring, stickers & alphabet practice at breakfast. of course some jumping on the bed always makes us smile. a little pretzel snack. setting up shopkins town & of course Barbie had to get her hair done.

simple, perfect, chaotic, messy, fun, quiet moments at the beginning of a new year.

nothing better.

 

2016…

you know that feeling, when you know you are dreaming, the best dream & you can feel yourself beginning to wake & you don’t want to have to leave this beautiful dream. you close your eyes real tight & try to will yourself back into that time & place of your dream.

yep, that one.

usually those dreams I am with people that are only in my dreams now, in a familiar place & even in my dream I can smell that familiar smell & feel that we are someplace familiar.

I feel myself beginning to feel this way in real life. like, I know this moment is going to end, this time will end, over & over again & that moment will now only exist in my memory & someday this moment may be that dream that I dream that I never want to wake from.

all of those moments in the past that I thought my memory would never fail me on. I thought all of those moments would be so clear forever. but, there are just too many to completely remember them all. the small things from my own childhood & from my baby’s being born & growing.

I didn’t write throughout 2016 like I usually do. little stories about simple, ordinary moments here at home, the moments that I know mean the most to me & I am certain will mean the most to me in the future. it is ok, not going to beat myself up over the fact that I didn’t write it all down this year but by not writing it, I remember how important it is to me to have those little stories. the proof that i was there, we were there & it meant something.

i love putting these year end videos together, all of these tiny, small, seemingly insignificant moments all strung together to paint the picture of our lives together. like a dream i never want to wake from….

 

 

here is to more moments in 2017…

at the park…

just a visit to the park this afternoon 10-3-16

trying to remember to take more video, obviously still learning but, having fun doing it.

just trying to capture her little movements, the way she puts her front teeth out, her hair in the wind, her arms & the way she moves them.

of course still photographs are my favorite but the way the video streams together all of her little movements & her mannerisms & her spirit, I just love it & when she is grown I bet I will love these videos even more.

love you my sweet girl…

missing moments. march thru may 2016

little bits & huge moments in our lives. sometimes I want to write it all down, other times all I can do is just try to keep up with life. looking back now, there are so many little & big moments missing from this blog, from the record of our daily lives. this space, it holds everything I hold close in my heart & when I look back I hate to see the missing pieces. so, here they are…

March 8. meeting my mom & brother, Rocky at starbucks to have a little birthday celebration.

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an early March, still kind of cool walk thru Chalco lake with my super girls…

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the evening of March 9th…

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this day Jarred & I had gone to the hospital to say good bye to my Grandpa Gomez. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to see him laying in that hospital bed, but my dad called me & asked me to come see him. I am so very thankful to my dad for that phone call. it meant so much to me to be able to say good bye. our family has been hurt so badly by sudden, unexpected death & to me, to be able to see my grandpa live out a long, amazing, full, inspired life & get the chance to tell him one more time how much I love him, that was special. my grandma was there of course, sitting in a room, waiting for the procedure to begin that would end my grandpa’s pain. she was of course heartbroken but jarred & I sat with her for quite awhile & just talked. she seemed very much in charge. she wanted to know exactly what was happening & when. my dad & uncles kept coming in giving her updates, juice, water, hugs & a few jokes. this woman in incredible. I asked her if she wanted to maybe leave to get some rest. I will never forget it, she looked at me & said “NO. I had the first dance, I will have the last”

I will never forget those words. ever…

March 14. the day of my grandpa’s funeral. it was beautiful & heart breaking & this man has left a legacy & a life story that most people cant even imagine. we love you grandpa…

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March 16, 2016. a little girls trip to Lincoln to the natural history museum. Sophia has been infatuated with dinosaurs for awhile now so we thought it would be cool for her to go see some real dinosaur bones. her reaction did not dissapoint. love this girl & love her love for life & learning & our little adventures…

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just reading books with her most favoritest, bestest big sister ever…

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march 26, easter… first of all I cant believe that easter is getting put into a post about moments I didn’t put here on the blog because, easter is my favorite. always has been & now as an adult passing those traditions is so important to me. the promise of a new beginning, a resurrection, a blooming of spring, new life. I love it all.  our night that we dye our easter eggs is always easter eve & after the ‘easter bunny’ hides them throughout the house. it has been that way since I was a little girl, as long as I can remember & I love that now my kids can say the same. it is a little weird though, this year it was just shane, Sophia & I, Mikayla had to work & jarred did too probably but he had moved out in January of 2016, so his easter eve dying eggs are probably over until he is married with kids of his own…

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easter morning, all of our baskets & our easter egg hunt in the house. this year we only left one un-found egg out in the house for about a week. ha.

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the easter bunny was at church…

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off to grammy mary & artie’s for easter dinner. these photos to me are proof that the photos before the photos are usually the best. I love that thru it all our family has found a way to keep our ties strong. to be there for eachother no matter how our family has changed. love them to pieces. they make me feel lucky.

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an unseasonably warm, end of march day spent at the park with my girl & lexi, our little neighbor girl that Sophia loves so so much…

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end of march. riding bikes with daddy up & down our street, over & over & over & over. she was in heaven…

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April, rainy day shenanigans. basketball in the house & charging me 20 cents to get into my own living room…

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I have to write this down. it may seem like nothing but it really is everything. this girl of mine, she lays out her clothes just like this every night. she calls it getting her morning clothes ready. love her sweet little actions & the things she thinks of & yes, I walked into her room this evening & found her clothes just like this. laid out so perfectly. love her…

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Sophia started dance in April!! she loves it. this girl feels the music & I love the watch her dance. at home & in class…

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after her first dance class we went to the dance store to get the leotard & skirt she needed & to get her fitted for shoes & my mama heart almost exploded. she has been on break from dance for the summer but she starts back September 7th. & I am so excited!!

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some day in april, mini golfing with my girls. let’s just say, we will not be going mini golf professional any time soon & oh my word!!! this just might be the most competitive bunch of putt putters I have ever played with. hahaha.

my favorite part. Sophia pouting because she wasn’t winning & alex & Sophia searching in the bushes for alex’s ball. haha. cuties…

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Sophia’s next dance class. she got all of her gear & even better, her cousin Nova started classes with her!!! little sweeties…

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May, 11. just walking in the field up from the house in her new sparkly birthday dress that her meme & papa got her. it is now August, 3 months later & she wears this dress still every chance she gets…

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the day after her 5th birthday getting her 5 year physical. healthy!!

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just a day in may, playing in the shadows in the hallway & our favorite these days, playing cards…

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May 21. one of my dearest friends Mary & her husband happened to be in town for work. I couldn’t believe it when I found out she was here. we hadn’t seen each other in almost 13 years! I was actually nervous on the drive over to their hotel. but, of course, as soon as I saw her & gave her a hug, it was like we never had been apart. but seriously, how do you really catch up on so much life with someone that you used to see every day? so, so much life had happened to us both. happy & sad & tragic & love & loss & growth & mundane. all of it. but, talking to her reminded me why I love her in the first place. because she is still one of the strongest, thoughtful, fiercely loyal, protective, bad ass women I will ever know. I cant wait to see her again…

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later that night was my niece Jenna’s  high school graduation party. her mom is my cousin but I don’t know, I guess I have just always thought of her as my niece.

the next day was my niece Alex’s high school graduation party. honestly, I don’t even have words for that.

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May 23. meeting grammy after her last day of preschool at Harvey oaks elementary for some treats & hugs…

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swim day with the girls…

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May 28th. my beautiful niece graduated high school. this. this was truly an emotional day. because I was just so proud of her but also because I know what a struggle it was for her, to go thru this moment without her daddy sitting there, with us, cheering her on. I know that he is so very proud of this beautiful, beautiful, thoughtful, woman…

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after the ceremony we gathered at our house for a little cake & homemade ice-cream (thank you grammy!!!) & to watch the video I had made for alex for her graduation.

and of course some sunset pictures up in the field…

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so, I cried the whole time I made this video, for obvious reasons. we miss him so much but day by day we relearn that we have to keep going. we have to laugh & we have to keep moving forward. I relearn every day that that does not mean he is forgotten, in any way. it means we are still alive. we are here & we are going to live every second to its fullest. squeeze every last drop out of every moment. tell our loved ones how much we love them every chance we get.

Alex picked the music, she gave me a USB with the pictures she wanted in her video. she even had a file telling me what grouping she wanted the photos in. I love that she cared so much about this video. I love that she will always have it to look back at when she needs to.

I love you so much my sweet niece…

 

we keep moving forward…

so that is the most of it. our lives march to may, 2016.

 

 

last days of summer…

here we are, already at the end of august. summer is such a fleeting, fast season. Jarred is living on his own, out of our house. Mikayla is back at school for her senior year. Sophia was the age to begin kindergarten this year but we decided to wait one more year & in the meantime I am home schooling her. so far, it is fulfilling, frustrating, terrifying, rewarding, hysterical, all of the above.

I don’t have any idea what I am doing, but I am doing it anyway. reminds me of life really.

these times, with my girl. they are my heart. I look at this little being in front of me. looking to us to show her what the world is all about. I remember little jarred looking at me the same way & later Mikayla too.

there are so many seasons in life. as this season of summer ends & we head into fall & because I seem to always be over sentimental & overly “in my head” about every little thing, I cant help but feel emotional.

I have made so many mistakes. as a human, a mother, a sister, a wife, a daughter. but, I also know that I have always done the best that I could at the time.

I just want peace. in my heart. in my mind. in my kids’ lives. in their hearts. even when they are not with us, I hope they truly know & find peace in where they come from. that they are loved & supported, even thru the struggles. it is so hard to not be consumed by the negative & sadness.

I feel like all I want to hold onto is hope.

I feel like sometimes I am distracted & I don’t want to be. I want to be present for all of these firsts with Sophia & these lasts with Mikayla.

this sweet little girl gives me hope. hope that I can be better.

so, I am embracing this season in our lives. we will all be ok. we will make it. we will have bad days & great days & everything in between & I know that they all come together to create our history.

and really, there are no other people on the planet that I would want to be creating this history with…

 

 

 

 

 

our girl is 17…

I know. it is august, but back in April  our beautiful girl turned 17. 17!!!!!

a few nights before her birthday we set out for our annual “birthday photo shoot” I don’t know if we can ever top ’16’, those balloons & those gorgeous trees but this year, I think we did pretty good too. party hats, 17, epic skies & silhouettes…

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we left, went for some ice cream, we were driving home & the sky was on fire. so, we went back…

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the day of her birthday she got home from school. we opened presents & left for dinner with meme & papa at one of her favorite places… after dinner we went back to meme & papa’s for some cake, candles & ice cream. meme had made the most beautiful & yummy strawberry cake!!

but while she was at school I had to decorate her car a little bit…

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this year for her friend birthday party, which thankfully we decided to still do, we ran around town, dancing in their prom dresses. we made an awesome video which I already posted but I better post it again here. just because I LOVE it so much!! seriously, the cutest & I will say it again, Mikayla has the best friends!

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the epic video…

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happy happy birthday Mikayla.

birthdays have always been so important to me to celebrate. this is the day that you were born. the day that you became part of this world. the day that you were given this chance at life.

and to see you grab every second of it & make the most of it. that makes my heart happy.

to see how you laugh & you cry & you love & you hurt, all with everything inside of you. I love you so much for this. you don’t hold anything back & I love you so much for this.

you were given this life on April 22, 1999 & to watch you live it so fully, to not take any of it for granted. all I can say is, yes. yes. yes.

happy birthday.

love you to the moon & back.

prom 2016…

I know. its august, a whole new school year started today!! Mikayla’s senior year!!

this however is her junior year prom. April 2, 2016.

I have been going back to these photos every few weeks trying to get them all edited just the way I want them. but you know what. these aren’t award winning photos(ha) these are photos of our girls’ junior prom with all of her best friends & her boyfriend. I finally realized that I would rather get these memories recorded in this space then just let them sit in files on my computer waiting to be edited.

love these photos, love this group of kids & love this girl…

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